Kaiden,
My sweet, sweet baby boy. I can never even begin to describe how much love I have for you. You fill me with joy and put an ease in my soul that I have never felt before.
I could move a mountain with all the love that is in my heart all directed on you. I will do anything for you. If you needed a heart I would give you mine. If you couldn't see I would give you my eyes. I would give you my ears to hear. Anything you ever need you have it sweet baby. That's how much I love you. I feel like when you were born you took a piece of my soul with you. I feel like we are one in a sense. You are my flesh and blood. You're my every wish come true. You will never understand how much I love you. My dad tells me that all of the time and he's right. I love you more than words can explain, yet I still can't understand the way my own father loves me.
Kaiden, I want to give you everything your heart desires. I will try to protect you from the things that will hurt you. I will try, but I am so sorry you will get hurt. It's the way life is, but I promise you sweetie I will show you and lead you to the way of a better life. God gave you to me. It's my duty to lead you back to Him.
I'm sorry I have been selfish. I'm sorry I haven't been there 100% emotionally for you. I remember holding you in my arms and both of us crying. It's been real hard for me since I gave birth to you. I wish things were different. I have tried though. I have tried so hard and it breaks my heart things ended up this way. I wish your daddy was here. I wish he wouldn't of chosen to become the person he is now. It hurts me so bad you don't have your daddy with you. It's not fair. You deserve him to be a good man and to be the father he is suppose to be. Both of our hearts are broken. I wish I could of prevented this from happening. All you can do is pray for your daddy and hope he comes around. Until then it's just you and I baby. I don't know what's going to happen in the future. Please don't be angry with me, for him not being around. I'm doing everything I can to protect you. I want you to see him and I want you to love him. When you get older and ask me why he isn't here. All I can tell you is his heart is somewhere else. Unfortunatly you will see the evil in this world and in the hearts of others. I will give this letter to you when I feel you are old enough to understand.
You are three months old and such a wonderful person. Kaiden I try to be there for you as much as I can. I always put you first. You are well taken care of. I am twenty years old. I am so young and I have a lot on my shoulders. I know this is only going to make me stronger. The path your daddy has chosen has broken my heart into pieces. I'm having a hard time picking them back up. I can do it, though. I can do it for you. I have to be strong for you. You are my son and I will do everything for you. I am going to finish college for you, so I can make money to support you. I am not going to date. I don't want to introduce any men into your life. I hope one day we can have a structured family. I also wanted to apologize for not being married when you were born. I wish I would of done things differently for you, so you don't have to go through this. You are so young, so innocent. It's not fair you were born into this situation. I'm really sorry and I hope you will forgive me.
Oh Kaiden you have so much ahead of you. I will be there holding your hand the whole way. Whatever you need you can come running to me. I will never shut you out. Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything, because I will accept you no matter what. Don't try to be perfect, because on this world there is no such thing. Everything is going to be alright. You are very precious to me. I hold you close to my heart and that's where you will forever remain. I love you so much baby, more than you will ever know. I can't wait for you to wake up so I can kiss you over and over again. You mean everything and more to me.
My love for you is stronger than love. It's so strong there is no name for it.
I'll just end this one with I love you baby and mommy will always be here for you.
